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For the Lighthearted

New Cost Accounting Codes

Dear Valued Staff Member,

It has come to our attention recently that many of you have been turning in time sheets that specify large amounts of Miscellaneous Unproductive Time (Code 5309). To our department, unproductive time is not a problem.

What is a problem, however, is not knowing exactly what you are doing with your unproductive time. The newly installed Activity Based Costing Financial System requires additional information to achieve its' goals. Attached below is a sheet specifying a tentative extended job code list based on our observation of employee activities. The list will allow you to specify with better precision what you are doing during your unproductive time.

Please begin using this job code list immediately and let us know about any difficulties you may encounter.

Many Thanks
Human Resources.

Extended Task Code List Explanation:

5000 Surfing the Net.
5001 Read/Writing social E-Mail
5002 Sharing social E-Mail (see codes #5003, #504)
5003 Collecting jokes and other humorous material via E-Mail
5004 Forwarding jokes and other humorous materials via E-Mail
5005 Faxing jokes and other humorous material to friends not on E-Mail

5316 Meeting
5317 Obstructing communications at meeting
5318 Trying to sound knowledgeable while in meeting
5319 Waiting for break
5320 Waiting for lunch
5321 Waiting for end of day
5322 Vicious verbal attacks directed at co-worker
5323 Vicious verbal attacks directed at co-worker while co-worker is not present

5393 Covering for incompetence of co-worker friend

5400 Trying to explain concept to co-worker who is stupid
5401 Trying to explain concept to co-worker who is not interested in learning
5402 Trying to explain concept to co-worker who hates me

5481 Buying snack
5482 Eating snack

5500 Filling out time sheet
5501 Inventing time sheet entries
5502 Waiting for something to happen
5503 Scratching oneself
5504 Sleeping
5505 Feeling bored

5600 Bitching about lousy job (see code #5610)
5601 Bitching about low pay (see code #5610)
5602 Bitching about long hours (see code #5610)
5603 Bitching about Boss (see code #5610)
5604 Bitching about co-worker (see codes #5322, #5323)
5605 Bitching about personal problems
5610 Searching for new job
5640 Miscellaneous unproductive bitching

5701 Not actually present at job
5702 Suffering from eight hour flu

6102 Ordering out
6103 Waiting for food delivery to arrive
6104 Taking it easy while digesting food

6200 Using company resources for personal profit
6201 Stealing company good
6202 Making excuses after accidentally destroying company goods
6203 Using company phone to make long distance personal calls
6206 Gossiping
6207 Planning a social event

6210 Feeling sorry for myself

6221 Pretending to work while boss is watching
6222 Pretending to enjoy my job
6223 Pretending I like my co-workers
6224 Pretending I like important people when in reality they're jerks

6238 Miscellaneous unproductive fantasizing

6601 Running my own business on company time
6602 Complaining
6603 Writing a book on company time
6604 Planning a holiday on company time

6611 Staring into space
6612 Staring at computer screen
6613 Transcendental meditation

7281 Extended trip to bathroom (at least 10 Min.)

7400 Talking with divorce lawyer on phone
7401 Talking with plumber on phone
7402 Talking with dentist on phone
7403 Talking with doctor on phone
7404 Talking with masseuse on phone
7405 Talking with house painter on phone
7406 Talking with personal therapist on phone
7407 Talking with miscellaneous paid professional on phone
7408 Talking with mistress/toyboy on phone (see code #7400)

7931 asking co-worker to aid in an illicit activity

8000 Recreational drug use